Happy birthday, Jarrett!

This is it! 12 months today. I spent most of the evening trying to snap that perfect final photo, hoping my camera would cooperate and candidly capture his dazzling dimples and crooked teeth just one more time, to complete this series like a cherry on a sundae. Alas, it wasn’t meant to be. So instead, here is a photo of Jarrett sleeping where he has happily slept every single night of his life since we brought him home from the hospital three hundred and sixty-four days ago. (Yes, the only time we haven’t shared a bed was during our overnight stay in the hospital after I had him.)

 
Since then, it has been an incredibly unforgettable year, getting to know this boy and watching him get to know us back. We are a loud, in-your-face family, as Jarrett can attest between his selfie-wielding moms and his crazy sisters- in particular, Patten, who tested that theory a few hours ago and gave Jarrett an early birthday present by throwing a toy tambourine full speed at his face. (Note the scar by his eye in the picture as proof.)

Having a baby requires a readjustment to how you go about your daily life, and jumping from 2 to 3 kids was, at times, stress-filled, and teetering on various degrees of sleep deprivation. But now we’re one year down; his need for snuggles and momma milk will eventually taper as he becomes more independent, and this baby chapter of our lives will be permanently over and done with. (NO MORE KIDS! DONE!) Very soon I will look upon what used to be my baby with a brand new prescription as he becomes a rough-and-tumble little boy. I can only selfishly pray that I will continue to have my health and my wits in tact so I can enjoy the ride and watch him, and the girls, grow into adulthood.

Until then, I will snuggle up next to my baby (who is living the high life right now between me and Susan) and breathe him in (before his overnight diaper succumbs to its inevitable fate) and drift off to sleep from that always familiar combination of exhaustion and gratitude. 

I go back to work tomorrow.

(Please ignore the fact that this blog hasn’t been updated in a year and a half. For whatever reason *cough*3 kids*cough*, it’s hard for me to dedicate the time to gather my thoughts beyond a paragraph. This is why I now suck at blogging but I’m Facebook-instapost-fyabulous!)

So, yes, anyway. I go back to work tomorrow.

The past 116 days that I have been off and so very fortunate to spend at home have been the most enriching** of my adult life. (This word may be swapped out for any combination of/all of the following: fulfilling, exhausting, rewarding, frustrating, productive, lazy, longest, quickest…)

Having a third child has been a game changer in every sense of the word. Watching Patten and Kansas become big and bigger sisters, respectively, has been a delight, but has not been without its challenges. Sometimes I miss having just my two daughters. I love them harder now, and many times firmer. I repeat myself so much it’s ridiculous. I frequently raise my voice only to barely be heard over the cacophony of 3 and 5 year old seemingly endless wall-bouncing and whining. I try to incorporate some basic peaceful parenting techniques I’ve picked up along the way, and generally remember that they only want to be heard, too, but did I mention the whining? JESUS THE WHINING.

They are good kids, though. And I know they’re adjusting as best as they can to their new roles. They are awesome big sisters. And they are growing up shockingly fast.

I don’t know if it’s third child fairy dust or if it’s because he’s a boy, but Jarrett is pretty much perfect. For starters, this kid sleeps like it’s going out of style. If there was ever any doubt he was my child, this would squash that. If power napping was an Olympic sport, he and I would bring home the gold. Oh, I’m so happy that he loves to sleep. Granted, he won’t sleep alone… He is definitely a baby who requires snuggles. And I am more than happy to comply. Additionally, from day one, he has been amazingly tolerant of his sisters’ bullshit. And there is no sugar coating that. It is, literally, b u l l s h i t what they make him endure. They have no concept of comfort zones or boundaries. They are constantly 2 millimeters or less away from his face, jumping up and down, squealing how much they love him or how cute he is. They dress him in their tutus and/or tiaras. They call him “the Cutie-Ootie.” And he just rolls with it. He looks back at them with this partially bemused/partially drunken love dimply smile and let’s whatever they dish out at him roll off his broad little shoulders. He is going to be a perfect tampon buyer for his sisters when he is older.

I return to work excited to see my co-workers and friends again, and grateful for a job that pays me incredibly well and provides my family with the kind of health insurance plan that would give a winning lottery ticket a run for its money. I love my job. But I’ll also mourn the hours of family time I will lose. Instead of sitting down with Kansas and Patten in the morning to eat breakfast together, I’ll resume my daily habit of grabbing my to-go portion in a Sesame Street bowl and inhaling it while I drive to work. I’ll miss the freedom to nurse Jarrett as frequently as both he and I want and need to. I’ll miss being able to actually contribute to making dinner for our family. I was excited to discover that, while I’m no Ina Garten and I still have a lot to learn, I wasn’t COMPLETELY useless in the kitchen. This was huge for me, the person who always got the “dash of salt, cup of sugar” instructions in the recipe reversed in home economics class. I would nap for a little with the kids in the afternoon (mainly because stopping what I was doing to snuggle was the only way to get them TO nap simultaneously), then spend the rest of the time partially brainstorming the Internet for recipe ideas and the rest of the time taking what seemed like hundreds of photos of a baby asleep in my arms and Kansas or Patten snuggled up to my leg.

  

There’s so much I didn’t get around to doing during my time off. I begged Susan to build the girls a sandbox so they would have something ‘new’ to keep them busy when Jarrett is keeping Grandma too busy to watch over them. All I had to do was paint it. I quickly realized what an impossible task that was to finish when it reached 108 degrees in Fresno by 11:00am and Jarrett wanted me and ONLY me to hold him. I never got around to having that garage sale I dreamed about. And taking the time to write down Jarrett’s birth story before it got lost in the black hole of the back of my mind never happened, either.

But instead of giving myself grief for what I didn’t do, I’m going to give myself a pat on the back for what I did accomplish. You know, besides survive. Literally. There may have been a BBQ explosion incident recently. Anyway:

– I finished reading a book. I am a painfully slow reader. I’m just too busy/tired to skim anything more than an Internet article these days. However, I’m convinced that this is why God made Anne Lamott, because her book, “Operating Instructions: A Journal of my Son’s First Year” was mandatory food for my soul. So much so that I could easily see naming my next child Anne. Wait, what am I talking about with this ‘next child’ crap?! LOLOL.

– I managed to blog this. Someone high five me, for crying out loud.

– I pushed a friggin’ NINE POUND, EIGHT OUNCE BABY out of my lady parts. I met the man of my dreams on April 20th, 2015. My hope of someday having a son that I could honor my father’s name with was realized. I look at Jarrett and see the Stewart face and my heart nearly bursts. I can’t wait to teach him some life lessons, but as with all my kids, I know who the real student is.

And I’m so damn lucky.

2013 Year In Review

2013! This year came and went so fast that as I sat down to write our year in review, I had to laugh to myself when I noticed that neither Susan or I had really taken the time to blog about what a busy year we’ve had.

We began 2013 by becoming shamelessly proud owners of a minivan!  Oh, how this vehicle has changed our growing family life for the better.  Trips as close as the grocery store or as far away as the beach are equally traveled in space (seats 8!), comfort (leather seats = butt warmers!) and amenities (WE HAVE 17 CUP HOLDERS!).  And there is always a good excuse to take pictures like this:

Now that we had room to travel comfortably, first family trips to places like this…

And this…

And, of course, THIS!!!

… all became a fun-filled reality.

Personally, Susan and I celebrated TEN YEARS together this year! What a blur, what an accomplishment. We celebrated our anniversary like any couple with two toddlers would: we took our kids on our romantic date to John’s Incredible Pizza to play skee ball and earn tickets for gloriously cheap toys. (You’re never too old for a super bouncy ball. You just need 40 tickets.)

Kansas started preschool this year and she is thriving.  She has learned new things, made new friends, and brought home a healthy stack of art projects, most of which have reduced either Susan or I (or both of us) to a puddle of happy tears.  I mean, look at this family portrait, will you?!

Patten has amazed us as we watch her transform into a little girl before our eyes.  While she still doesn’t talk as much as her big sister did at her age (then again, not many people do…), she excels at communicating.  You can ask her the most complex question and she’ll either tell you yes or no – but she won’t just say “no,” she’ll say “NO WAY!”  She’s a problem-solver and a do-it-yourself-er who loves music and LOVES to dance.  And we marvel every day at her beautiful blonde hair.  Seriously, where did THAT come from?! (Okay, we know where that came from- obviously a very strong recessive gene from Susan’s paternal side, but still!)

On the professional front, Susan is now the Instructional Technology Coach for her school district. This exciting and rewarding position allows Susan to lead professional development sessions and also provide one on one support to teachers for all things technology-related that are happening in education right now. Her district has made classroom technology integration a top priority and Susan is thoroughly enjoying her new role, as this subject has been her passion for many years.

Finally, we had a Christmas Miracle this year. After almost 4 years and 3 failed attempts at getting Kansas to not look in holiday pictures as though Santa Claus was the Boogey Man, this year, something finally clicked.

Can you believe it??! We couldn’t either. It’s about time she figured out what the rest of us already knew. 🙂

From our family to yours, Merry Christmas and have a blessed new year. Hopefully in 2014 we’ll figure out if we want to venture into kid #3 territory. If only they weren’t so cute, this decision would be easier!

Preschool bound.

We’re submitting all the required forms necessary to enroll Kansas in preschool. Up until this moment, I’ve been very excited about this prospect, but now that it’s a borderline reality, I’m filled with nervous anxiety.

On one hand, I know she needs this structure to prepare for Kindergarten. And it’s only for 2 days a week. AND it’s on the same campus as Susan’s school. All good things. But on the other hand, the thought of coming home for lunch and not having her there to share my sandwich with and snuggle for 5 minutes before I have to go back to work and she has to take her nap is almost too much for me to bear. Yet, despite that weight, her absence at home is really the least of my concerns. What terrifies me the most is knowing that pretty soon I’ll kiss my baby girl on the cheek and watch her happily toddle off into a world where myself, Susan or Cynthia can no longer protect her at all hours of the day like we’ve been so accustomed to for the first 3.5 years of her life.

I worry, naturally. We strive to shield our children and preserve their innocence for so long, and it’s hard to acknowledge that we have to take a step back now and let them learn and discover on their own. I worry that she won’t make a lot of friends — although if you’ve witnessed Kansas on a playground playing with other kids you’d probably smack me upside the head for thinking something so ludicrous. I worry that someone will make fun of her name and she’ll come home crying and angrily ask why on earth we named her after a U.S. state. And deep down, I’m terrified of that moment when Kansas becomes aware through someone else’s audacity that she is different because she has two moms. Right now she thinks nothing of it; she has friends who have all kinds of families.  Her best friend Brennon has two moms, and so do her other friends Makena, Madison, Allie, Geli, Eli and Sam… the list goes on. It’s normal. And with the way things are going in this country, hopefully that normalcy will stay put. Still, I worry.

I suppose this is merely the first of many steps I’ll take as a parent, as I prepare to let go of my first born’s hand and watch her become her own person, in greater ways than she ever would if I kept her at home forever. Pretty soon she’ll go to school full time. As she gets older, she’ll get involved in after school activities like band, or sports, or maybe even cheer. (Lord knows I can’t relate to that last one, but I want whatever she wants.) Our nightly family meals around the dinner table where Susan and I whisper back and forth to each other how friggin’ adorable Kansas and Patten are while we simultaneously remind them with loving firmness for the 16th time each that they need to keep their bottoms on their seat and finish their dinner or there is no ice cream will eventually become limited as we trade that precious time for pizza deliveries and quickie fast food dinners to accommodate their busy schedules.

Before kids, I could never wrap my head around it when people would tell me that children grow up too fast. I mean, I myself remember thinking as a kid that I must’ve come out of my mother’s womb as a fully grown 8 year old, because time went by so slow and I never ‘saw’ myself actually grow. But it’s so true. It’s beautifully, achingly, hilariously, painfully true that the days are long but the years are short. I can still remember with perfect clarity my first glimpse of Kansas, after I labored her. She was covered in vernix and still the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Now, she’s almost 4 and still often covered in various coatings and STILL (along with her sister and their Mommie) the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.  Almost 4!  When did that happen??

She’s so excited for school. She knows huge changes lie therein, in the form of perfecting her ability to write letters and draw pictures, learning to read, and of course, getting her own lunchbox and running out to play on the giant playground (toddler priorities).

And though I’m filled with emotion over this next phase, I truly can’t wait to hear her tell me about how exciting her day was and introduce me to new friends that she made.

It’s just getting to that point…

Reflecting on 2012, looking forward to 2013!

What a year! If we had to describe 2012 in one word, it would be: BUSY. On February 8th, after a lightening fast labor (3 hours from water breaking at home to “IT’S A GIRL!”), we welcomed Patten Grace Stewart to our family. She has brought an indescribable amount of joy to our lives! Watching Patten hit all the milestones Kansas did (and didn’t) has been so fun. At the time of this post, Patten is a walking, talking 10 month old who loves to smile, dance, play peekaboo, and eat solid foods (she loves meat and refuses anything puréed even though she is still toothless). She loves shoes and technology (as of now it’s remote controls, but she’s becoming quite intrigued with these fancy iPhones). But most of all, Patten loves her big sister.

And Kansas adores Patten! From the first moment Kansas saw Patten, she was completely enamored with her. They truly are two peas in a pod. Susan and I say frequently that the best thing we ever did for Kansas was give her Patten.

Kansas turned 2 on February 18th (their birthdays are 10 days apart) and this age has been full of new and exciting changes for her. When we weren’t bemoaning the Terribleness of the Twos, we watched in wonder as we saw our first born baby become a little girl before our eyes. Her vocabulary has taken off, she talks in full, complete sentences- her favorite sentence being, “I want to do it all by MYSELF!” Potty training was in the bag by the summer time when we flew to Wichita to see our family there. We are so proud of our big girl!

It’s been a big year for us, as well. At school, Susan has taken on some exciting new projects. It means a lot of time and a lot of change, but it has re-ignited her passion for teaching.

Late this year, we were able to refinance our home, saving a ton of money in the process. Our goal is to buy our dream Honda Odyssey (yes, you read that right, we actually WANT a minivan – NO SUV!) Hopefully this will come into fruition by early-to-mid 2013. You have no idea how hard it is to travel anywhere anymore in a 5-seater sedan. Time to move on up!

Lastly, after years of searching, we have finally found a church home. We have been longing to find a place that was comprised of lots of families with young kids that Kansas and Patten can play with. A place that was also located close to our home, that fed us spiritually and of course that was open and accepting not only to families like ours, but absolutely anyone. I am pleased to say that we have found all of these qualities and more at the Unitarian Universalist church in Fresno. From the first time we stepped on the campus, we felt a sense of peace envelop us. This is how a church should be. I’m excited at the thought of raising our kids here.

2013 promises to be an equally exciting year: Patten will turn 1, Kansas will turn 3 and Susan and I will go double-digit and celebrate our 10th anniversary together in March. Time has definitely flown and I’m grateful to family, to friends and to God for this life. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all!

Meet Patten Grace!

Our sweet, second daughter, Patten Grace Stewart was born yesterday, 2/8/2012 at 3:41am.  She weighed in at 6 pounds, 7.2 ounces and measured 20 inches long.  I don’t want to say too much about the birth because I know Susan wants to write her birth story, and I’m anxious to read that as well.  But there are a few points I want to commit to e-paper while they are fresh in my memory:

• In countless ways, I am so unbelievably proud of Susan, and I feel more strongly connected to her than ever before.  Seeing her labor was a surreal experience that I will never, ever forget.
• Witnessing Patten’s birth – as opposed to being the one who gave birth – has given me a fresh perspective and deep appreciation for all the Significant Others (male and female) out there who have done the same for the women in their lives.  I am honored and humbled and grateful to be part of that team.
• Once again, I can say nothing but great things about our experience at Kaiser Fresno.  I’d like to especially thank Dr. Jill Mason, who delivered Patten into this world, and Susan’s delivery nurse, Denise, for being such a wonderful and welcome part of the equation.

A few pictures:

This was Susan’s birth plan that I hastily scribbled on a paper towel.  Her labor went so fast that there was no time to go into details, but these were the most important things that I wanted to address for her delivery.  She was anemic throughout the last trimester of her pregnancy and we were worried about her losing a lot of blood, which is why I included our desire for a blood transfusion.  I’m super proud to say that Susan didn’t need any of these things: her labor was 100% medication free, she had no episiotomy (second-degree tear, though), and lost a relatively small amount of blood so a transfusion wasn’t necessary.  Whew.

Here’s a comparison.  Kansas is on the left, Patten is on the right.  Both pictures were taken on the days they were born.

First day at home, catching some rays to help up her vitamin D.  One of the hardest things ever for us as parents was to bring Kansas back to the special care nursery so she could be under the photo therapy lights for 3 days to treat her jaundice.  Hopefully we’ll be able to bypass that altogether with Patten.  Thank you, Fresno Winter, for your 72 degrees and sunny forecast!

Thanks to everyone for the outpouring of love and support for us on this journey!  Stay tuned to our blog, we hope to update again soon. 🙂

Happy holidays! 2011 Year-in-Review

Happy holidays, everyone!

2011 – and life in general, since starting a family, was such a crazy blur.  Didn’t we just start this year a few minutes ago?!  In February, Kansas celebrated the big 0-1 in style, and it seems like every day she’s been hitting new milestones and growing from our little baby into our little girl.  She learned to walk soon after her birthday and has been unstoppable ever since.  She finally decided to cut us a break and sleep through the night beginning at 15 months old.  By the time she was one and a half, she received her first hair cut, given by my cousin Judie (who cut mine and my brother’s hair growing up).  She was saying I love you to us (“iiiiiyouuuuu”) and also saying that she wanted to go shopping at Target.  She loves dogs, she loves books, she loves the Wiggles, she loves to dance, she REALLY LOVES ketchup, she loves Macaroni and Cheese (Kraft, of course) and generally all Italian food, and she loves her friends Makena, Brennon, Cary, Mollie, Geli, Elias and Sammy.

We were able to cross two major league baseball stadiums off our list in our goal to see a game from every stadium in the country. In June we saw the Texas Rangers at Ranger stadium in Arlington…

…Followed by a Houston Astros game at Minute Maid Park.  Both stadiums were awesome!  Side note: the Astros may be known to suck, but they’re officially my favorite team for life because it was 200 degrees in Houston that day and they have an air conditioned stadium, not to mention the best ballpark food we’ve ever had.

After 13 months of trying, we found out in June that Susan was pregnant!  Our second child – another girl! – is due in February 2012.  Her name will be Patten Grace Stewart.  You might be thinking, “Patten, eh?”  Stay tuned for a future blog post about the story behind her name.  Trust me, it’s really cool.  In the meantime, say hi to our new baby girl!

Since their birthdays will likely be so close together (Kansas turns 2 on February 18th; Patten’s due date is anywhere between February 13th to February 18th), and because we already have the vast majority of everything we need for another little girl, we’ve decided not to have a baby shower.  Instead, we will be having a ‘Happy Birthday, Kansas!/Come Meet The New Baby!’ event, to be held in either late February or the first weekend of March, 2012.  Details forthcoming.  We hope you can attend!

In September, Kansas was in the bridal party for her auntie Christina’s wedding.  We were a little nervous initially and unsure of how she would do, but she pulled it off with flying colors and minimal tantrums.

On a sad note, we lost our beloved Charlie Brown in April of this year.  He was 12 years old and our perfect old man.  There is always some concern when you introduce new babies to your domestic animals for the first time- but both Charlie and Lucy have been nothing but gentle around Kansas and unbelievably tolerant of her ear pulling and exaggerated petting.

You are incredibly missed, Charlie-Barlie.

So that’s been the goings-on in our 2011!  Hope you all have a fabulous holiday season, and we look forward to sharing our cute baby girls with you in 2012. 🙂

Kansas Jo turns one. :-)

Okay, we’re sooo late in posting this, so instead of back-dating this entry, I’m moving it right to the top!

Our baby Kansas turned the big 0-1 on February 18th! What a huge year! And what better way to celebrate a huge year than to have a huge party!

Thanks to the generosity of others and our incredible lack of willpower inside Babies R Us, we were practically bursting at the seams with Fisher-Price, V-Tech, Melissa & Doug and Playskool. This kid had enough toys! We knew we wanted to have a storybook themed party, and we knew we wanted to encourage attendees to give only books as gifts for Kansas so we could get a head start on building her library. What we didn’t know was how much fun we would have in the party planning process!

Our storybook themed party eventually gave way to a more specific theme: The Very Hungry Caterpillar. From Etsy and Flickr to personal blogs, we were blown away at how many places we found to draw inspiration (and, admittedly, copyright violations) for this party.

Enough yammering, I’ll let the pictures do the talking!

Our very hungry caterpillar happy birthday banner and cupcakes for everyone!

Close up of the cupcakes.

Gift bags for our party-goers.

Our caterpillar-esque photo timeline of Kansas. We took her picture on the 18th of every month starting from March 2010 to February 2011. It’s hard to see in this photo, but she chunked up LIKE CRAZY from month 3 to month 4.

Our caterpillar kebobs. Yummy!

A Kansas-sized birthday smash cake for the birthday girl.

We had a craft station set up so the kids could make their own hungry caterpillar bookmarks using the best tools they had — their thumb and fingertips!

How about some pictures of the birthday girl?!

“Does this cake make me look fat?”

Great grandma Nani Buns trying to steal some cake!

“I’m savoring every bite of this amazing stuff.”

That cake didn’t know what hit it.

Where’s Kansas?

Let’s play!!

THE END.

(View the rest of the birthday pictures at our smugmug gallery, here!)

One more milestone down.

I’m usually not that open about this, but I’ve known this time was coming for awhile and I felt compelled to write about it.

I nursed Kansas for the last time today at the DFW airport. My breastfeeding journey has lasted one year, four months and nine days. I am back home in California now, while she and Susan are back in Wichita for the remainder of the week, which we will use to facilitate the weaning process.

I never thought I would last this long. At first I said I'd stop nursing the moment she cut teeth, but that didn't happen until she was 11 months old. Incidentally, the addition of teeth brings a new… sensation… to nursing. Thankfully, it was one that I didn't mind too much, so I said I would continue to nurse until she bit me. Well hey! Guess what happened next!? I remember when she bit me for the first time. I screamed in shock and agony, which scared her in the process. She unlatched, looked up at me, started crying. WAILING, in fact. "Aww," I thought, "it was clearly an accident, she didn't mean to bite me. I'll keep nursing." And, of course, she kept biting me.

But the biting is not why I'm choosing to stop nursing. It's just time. I've put in a good run. I've pumped thousands of ounces of milk so Kansas could be bottle fed breastmilk while I went back to work. And I'll admit, well into a year of breastfeeding, I was still thoroughly enjoying my 500 calorie meal pass that it allowed me. I am a foodie through and through. I LOVE TO EAT. Unfortunately, this is also the reason why I am still significantly overweight (for me). I need to reclaim my figure and my energy so I can at least keep up with this quick, rambunctuous, curious little girl.

I'm so thankful for this time I've had in all of its rewarding and exhausting glory. I've learned so much about my body and what it is capable of, and I've seen it perform in ways that I never could've imagined.

I would say the diet starts tomorrow, but I just remembered I have one more frozen bag of breastmilk in the freezer, and also a box of banana Jello pudding mix in my pantry. I'm SO going there. Dude, whatever. Breastmilk is delicious.

Five months later…

I can’t believe it’s been 5 months and change since we’ve updated this blog! Life has been a crazy new definition of busy since having Kansas, but it’s been a busy that I wouldn’t trade in for anything in the world. Our little girl has brought complete joy to our lives!

She is six months old today. She is eating solids and has taken a liking to the green vegetables the most. She is wearing 9 to 12 month clothes. She loves our BlackBerry smart phones, ceiling fans, her toes, watching the Sprout channel with Grandma, being Moby-wrapped, and Skype-ing with her Jo Jo. She’s been on five airplane rides. She sits up and rolls over, but hasn’t quite mastered crawling. No teeth yet. And she is quite possibly the most beautiful baby on the entire planet.

(both photos by Adam Gerling – everbluestudios.com)

Where has the time gone?! Didn’t we just bring her home from the hospital? Oh wait – endless hours spent giggling and cooing and smiling and bouncing and staring at her with love-sick expressions… and memory cards socked full of pictures, all while our sleep schedules have suffered and our house is in a constant state of disarray. Oh yeah, THAT’S where the time has gone!

We have a lot to write about and we’ll try to update more frequently, but if we disappear again, we’re probably off playing with the baby. 🙂